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A BRIEF HISTORY OF FOOD

My girlfriend Claire was cleaning out the cupboard today and made a remarkable discovery: a packet of “Continental Chicken Alfredo” recipe mix. Not all that interesting in itself… until you learn that it is in fact one of the most exciting archaeological discoveries since Howard Carter dug up the crispy King Tut.

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Looks normal to you? Well look closer…

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Yes, that’s right, I’ve had a packet of processed cheese sauce in my cupboard for eight and a half years. I’ll just let that sink in for a moment. Holy crap! This is food from the last millennium! Strange though, I have only lived in my current house for three years… so I must have been lugging this packet around with me all this time like it was a grandparent’s ashes or something.

Anyway, if anyone’s in the neighbourhood, we’re having chicken Alfredo at my house and you’re all welcome to join me.

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PS. Random fact. Did you know that shepherds use llamas to protect their sheep herds?  You see, llamas attack and kill any dog or fox stupid enough to come after the lambs. Apparently, they leap through the air and thrust their knees forward as weapons. Kind of like Hulk Hogan. But woolier.

Anyway, this has gotta be true because it was told to me by the crazy guy in our town who drives around with his pet llama in his little car, its head sticking out the side window like a big, weird-looking dog. I even got my photo taken with it once. True story.

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PS. I really need to start doing a few more single-framers… This one is almost as long as the movie version with Charlton Heston in it.

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PS. Sorry about the extended absence of leave. It appears that once the spluttering little 2-cylinder engine that is my brain is switched off (and a week on a Thai beach drinking cheap Thai beer will do that to you), it’s an absolute bitch to get it started again.

I do words for money. Or tinned food.

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www.professionalwordguy.com.au

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